When someone asks about your day or your life what do you say? Do you give them a short concise answer or a long one? Are you truthful or do you mix it up a bit?
For me and all people I guess, it depends on who we are speaking with and what we are willing to share. Something I've learnt since becoming unwell is that most people don't actually want to know the truth. They just want a positive, concise and simple answer. They want easy, so most of the time that's what they get.
I think in many ways I've been on autopilot the last few years when people have asked me how I am. I almost always say "good" or "plodding along nicely," even when this couldn't have been further from the truth. Sometimes I say this for me and more often than not, I say it because that's what people want to hear. Most people don't want to know the tough reality of my limited life. The tears, the loss, the heartache, the grief, the physical and mental struggle, all of it - my reality.
I've found this really difficult at times because as much as I know the answer the majority of people want and need to hear, I want to tell the truth. The truth that it's not all roses and smiles. It's not always a story of courage or bravery. And it's certainly not a case of constant positivity and my own panacea. It's rough, it's tough it's raw and it's my life.
Yes I try to stay positive or at least put on a positive facade for the most part, but when people say to me "I don't know how you stay so positive" or "you're so positive I could never be like that" what they don't realise is I have no choice. No choice but to try. If I told the real truth of my family and I's last 5-6years I think people would be stunned and also scared and maybe even disinterested, who knows?! I don't think the majority would honestly want the truth, as it's not an easy reality to deal with and it's not pretty. There aren't parties and shopping or drinks and social comforts. It's just a story of an all consuming battle to win the war against my broken body.
In saying this though, I do believe positive energy promotes a healthier outcome so I do try to stay positive. Celebrate the tiny victories and enjoy the simple pleasures I once took for granted. I do have good times and my life is not all doom and gloom. I try to find the happy and positive in difficult times and I think this tactic has got me through some of my darkest days.
But like all of us, there are times when I just can't. Times when I need to tell my truth just as much as others need a sugarcoated version. It is a constant battle in my mind when people ask how I am. I feel like there is this belief that if your condition is chronic and you don't appear to be fighting it daily and remaining 'positive', you are seen to not be trying or whinging and succumbing to the illness. It
is that thought petrifies me. As much as it shouldn't mean anything to me, I do care what others think and it is especially important to me that my family and close friends know I have not, and will not stop trying.
But like all of us, there are times when I just can't. Times when I need to tell my truth just as much as others need a sugarcoated version. It is a constant battle in my mind when people ask how I am. I feel like there is this belief that if your condition is chronic and you don't appear to be fighting it daily and remaining 'positive', you are seen to not be trying or whinging and succumbing to the illness. It
is that thought petrifies me. As much as it shouldn't mean anything to me, I do care what others think and it is especially important to me that my family and close friends know I have not, and will not stop trying.
When the going gets difficult for anyone or if you just feel plain crappy, it should be ok to say how you're feeling. It should be ok to have days where the world isn't all smiles and lollipops and this shouldn't have to be hidden. Sick, healthy, tired, or indifferent we all have a right to speak the truth of how we are feeling to ourselves and to others. I don't mean live in a constant state of negativity as I feel that's a useless and tiring option, but I think we all need to remember it's ok not to be positive 24/7. It doesn't mean we aren't hopeful or are negative, it just means in that moment things don't feel so great.
I have trouble some days seeing any positives but I still believe we should all try to celebrate the smaller things in life as they are worthy of celebration. Small recovery victories or non-eventful days should be reason to smile, not wait in fear of the next bad day or event.
Many people who have been very kind and dear to me throughout this whole process I don't hesitate
to speak my reality positive or not, but the majority of the beautiful caring
people in my life whom are supportive and kind I don't always know what to answer. Each time I subconsciously weigh up the situation and what is best, and more often than not, the best thing I can do is to answer simply with
to speak my reality positive or not, but the majority of the beautiful caring
people in my life whom are supportive and kind I don't always know what to answer. Each time I subconsciously weigh up the situation and what is best, and more often than not, the best thing I can do is to answer simply with
"I'm fine"
"I'm doing really well and things are great"
Sometimes words of truth, sometimes a necessary lie.
Positivity is not a constant state for anyone, so why do we expect it from all of us, both sick and well?
xoxo
