How kindergarten helped me find my voice

Hospital life is far different from the real world. It's an insular bubble that people morph into and out of generally at a fast pace of days or few weeks. Most people come into hospital and can count on their fingers how many days they've stayed and can recall all events that occurred in their stay.
For me on the other hand it's all a big blur. If I think about the last few years stuck between the hospital walls I have many memories of highs and lows but still do not recount nowhere close to everything.
Along my journey I've been through periods of intense writing, weeks and months where I've kept track of almost every aspect of my day and then I've got gaps and voids where it all morphs into one.
I've got memories of so much, yet I feel sad that I've not done an honest job at staying on top of my recordings.
This last 4 years of life has redefined me as a person, but more specifically; a sister, a daughter, a friend, a woman, & a girl with a chronic illness. I am not the same girl who went in to hospital in 2010. I mean elements are still me, I guess I just see the world differently, react differently and my ability to have a voice has changed.

For the first few years my muma & dad were my voice. They spoke up for me when all I could do was lay in the bed completely still and without a pillow to prevent going unconscious. I had a rough experience initially when I was transferred to the private system with barely a diagnosis but assured that I "will be better after a few good weeks of rehab", clearly that wasn't the case. My Dr Poo overdosed me on a medication which left me unconscious for 2days and many more horrific things which I think are worth a post on their own eventually.

Over the years of battling the daily grind of hospital living I've managed to find my voice. Not totally, but definitely more than before I got sick. I've spent probably 90% of my time on the same ward, known here as Ward Hope. It's here that I developed my voice. I think when you're in a persons life long enough you get familiar, and that's what has happened to me. In some parts it has been great and allowed me to know the nurses and staff on a personal level and build some real lifelong relationships, but in other ways it has been difficult.
In a ward there are layers that dictate how things get done & who does them. I've always had a good relationship with my consulting Dr and I am so thankful for that. I've had good relationships with nurses although I have had 2 big challenges. I think the fact they were/are so mean and difficult has made me speak up.

In a situation like a long term hospital stay it feels like kindergarten when you've been placed in a play group with "that kid"...and "that kid" is nasty, bullies and hates you yet you cannot escape him. The play group situation in here is hard, especially where you are being forced to interact with people who you know to dislike you and speak about you behind your back. It can eat away at you. It most definitely ate away at me for a long while, especially when the person being horrible thought I didn't know what they were saying. Having to be kind, tolerant and suck it up has been a huge challenge at times but I've also found that I Can and have a Right to challenge things that are negative towards me. I don't need to feel even more isolated than a person already does whilst lying in a hospital bed and upset from a single persons views. No one in a vulnerable situation or any situation for that matter should feel belittled and bullied and we all have a right to survive harmoniously.

Before getting sick I was not a push over. I did have a voice but I was scared of how people would react. I rarely disagreed with what people presented to me as treating options or how my daily cares were run. I wanted to seem fine and my way of coping was to nod, smile and say 'ok, sounds good'. Over time I started to recover and with this I started to stand up...ahhh no, make that slightly sit the bed up 😊 and speak for what I wanted. I think about most patients in hospital or healthcare situations and wonder how many feel confident enough to fight for what they need?
 I am so lucky for many reasons but in this instance I think being a health professional myself (OT) and studying medicine has opened my eyes to see that the professional is not always right, and neither is the patient. They say knowledge is power and I agree. In the hospital and health situations the more you know about yourself, your condition and what you want & expect the higher the chances are you will be able to be heard. It's a difficult balance between professional Vs patient but once it's found in believe it can change everything for the better.

Nowadays I am confident and happy to be an active participant of my managing my care. I can now say I disagree with treatment options or request to trial something not mentioned. I will discuss my issues with nursing staff directly and not sit and stew over what has been said.
This has not happened overnight but has helped and I hope will continue to help me feel in control of
my life.
Everyone deserves to have a voice and be free to choose their health management. So ask yourself this:
Do you feel in control of your health?
Do you feel capable to speak up for what you want?
Do you believe knowledge is power?