Lottery.

If you asked me two weeks ago what I thought of our health system, my answer would've been mostly positive. Although there are downfalls I have been lucky to have a few amazing specialists and team who support me, so for the most part I can't complain. 

If you asked me last week what I thought of our health system, my answer would be one of frustration and disappointment.

If you ask me today what I thought of our health system, my answer would be that it needs some serious improvements, but there are angels in this system....if you're lucky enough to come across one, that is.

At times health, healthcare and treatment are like a lottery. You might never win and have to fight the system your whole life or you might win after your millionth entry. You might win on your first go or you might have partial wins over time. No one has the same ticket and no one else knows how important this entry is to you. It's just you, hope and whatever gets drawn. 

Well after a good run of health, I got my kick in the butt and I'm over it already. Quite spectacularly I have fallen from my perch of feeling semi-human right into a new pile of rubbish. Who was I kidding when I started to think I had this worked out. 

During the past week or so I have witnessed and experienced what it's like to be desperate for help and stuck in the thick of healthcare lottery. Whilst I have been treated well and listened to, I have also had the fear of being put into the too hard basket, yet again. A place where no one wants to 'own' your problem nor deal with it. It is all just too hard and sadly for many people out there, it's also too familiar.

As a result of my new dilemma, when I sat in my specialists office last week I shed a tear. Normally, I try to be strong and objective and save my tears for private but this time I just couldn't. I was not crying because I was treated poorly. I was not crying because of my new issue. I was crying because I felt desperate and relieved at the same time. 

Did I get a cure? No. 

Did I hear what I wanted to? No. 

Was it good news? No.  

Would I leave with the problem resolved? No.

But what I did get was someone to stand up for me and show me that I count - Someone decided my number was worth pulling. This came as quite a relief because I had just experienced the polar opposite to this days before. I was told earlier in the week that I was booked into an urgent clinic and that they would help me, only one day later to be told that the clinic was not appropriate and has no expertise in dealing with my issue. That's it. No direction, just lost in motion. I felt like the system betrayed me and left me without the help I needed. I was terrified of getting lost in the system and forgotten as my usual teams do not deal in my new area of issues. There was no real 'go-to' person to help me or pull my number for the jackpot win this time, and it was frightening. I was shoulder deep in the healthcare lottery limbo and it was awful.

I was so desperate for help and I didn't realise it until I sat in the hospital and my specialist apologised to me for the way the health system works and acknowledged the difficulty for me to be dealing with another thing. With a few phone calls to other specialities and an hour of her lunch break organising appointments and surgery to help my new problem, she validated my desperation and she was proactive about helping me. This day I was lucky, this day I won the lottery. 

I was treated with respect and feel like the healthcare system worked for me, but in actual fact when I look back on it, the reality is, today I had someone in the right position fight to make the system work. The system itself didn't technically work for me at all. Now, I know I cannot really complain when I have a few amazing specialists on my team who I consider angels and I hear of so many people suffering, but I do think our healthcare system is broken. 

Had I not have a few wonderful specialists fight for me and help me through navigating a system of bureaucracy and hierarchy I would be worse of. In fact today because I had someone fight for me I have a plan and an appointment and have already undergone a procedure with a team onboard to help my new issue and continue my care in this area. Two speciality areas that seemed unreachable before were reachable because my doctor fought for me. If I had no one in the 'right' position to turn this situation around and be my advocate I would be stuck waiting and hoping for my lottery ticket to be drawn.

This week I entered the lottery that should not exist. 

This week the healthcare system revealed its flaws in brilliant colours. 

This week illuminated how lucky I am to have an amazing healthcare team who go above and beyond to help me every time my body throws a new curve ball.

This week and EVERY other week I wish that healthcare wasn't such a lottery and everyone 'won' every time they needed help.